As the Dalai Lama puts it, ‘When you speak, you only repeat what you already know; but when you listen, you can learn something new’. Edgar Schein (2013) argues that Western culture is a culture of telling. He advocates a humble questioning culture that leads to greater mutual understanding between people. Schein’s premise fits entirely within observational listening. Indeed, telling goes against all three basic psychological needs: by telling another person (what or how they should do, for example), you place yourself above the other person and deprive them of their autonomy; because you are telling from your own frame of reference and not theirs, they do not feel understood and your telling goes against their need for connection; and if the other person listens to you at all, it does not promote their sense of mastery, they feel incompetent because you are lecturing them.
Questioning the other person as if you don’t know that much about them (a humble, naive curiosity in Schein’s words) makes the other person feel that you respect their autonomy, want to establish a meaningful connection with them and respect that which the other person is capable of (their mastery).
#Observational #Listening is the foundation for the book The Excellent Leader. Take your first step in becoming an #Excellent #Leader and visit the website Excellent-Leader.com.
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