Communicating is different from talking. And listening is different from hearing. Hearing is done with your ears, listening with your brain. You give meaning to what you hear, see, feel, taste and smell. So what does the process of communicating look like? How does a conversation come about and what challenges do you face?

The communication process is an interaction between two or more parties, where at some point there is a sender and one or more receivers. The sender encodes what they want to say, conveys their message, which in turn is heard and decoded by the receiver. With decoding, the receiver finds out the meaning of the message. Noise in the communication process makes messages only partly come across as intended, increasing the chances of mutual misunderstanding (with all its consequences). Noise has multiple sources, whether physical, physiological or psychological. Noise distracts attention from the message being conveyed. A quiet environment, clear, understandable language and checking by summarizing the message can reduce these effects

Every message has four elements: in addition to the business-like, substantive or literal element, there is an expressive element (how the sender thinks about themself), a relational element (how the sender sees the relationship between sender and receiver) and an appellative element (what the sender wants from the receiver). All four elements are wrapped up in one and the same message. In addition, it is impossible not to communicate. Misunderstandings often occur because sender and receiver emphasize different aspects or interpret aspects differently.

Communicating involves several channels simultaneously. Besides what is said literally and figuratively and how it is said (paralingual), non-verbal signals play an important role. The pitfall is to focus on only one of these channels, such as body posture. In addition, how you act non-verbally as a leader is also important for the extent to which the team member feels at ease with you. In Western culture, adequate eye contact is especially important. By not pretending, you reduce the chances of sending conflicting signals in your communication. An open attitude ensures that you invite the other person to tell more, a closed attitude with a poker face blocks communication.

Precisely because everyone has their own life history, everyone interprets what happens around them from their own frame of reference. Yet people live under the illusion that others experience things exactly as they do. And you too are a human being and will interpret another’s information from your frame of reference. You too will initially think that the other experiences things the way you do. Being aware of this gives you the opportunity to look further.

Observational listening is actively listening to what the team member has to say, observing them and listening to what emotions are going on inside them. By observational listening, you empathize better with your team member’s situation and are able to connect better with their perception. Observational listening makes it easier and faster to achieve the desired depth in your conversations; you understand the emotion that accompanies a message, without having to resort to tricks. You understand the person behind the message.