As an excellent leader, it is quite possible you will be confronted with loss from time to time. Your own loss, or that of one of your team members. This loss may be of a personal nature, yet can also arise in the professional arena. Think of a project that was “your baby” being ended, for example. Or that a team is disbanded. Or a product that will be phased out. Or a client leaving. It could even be that an incident causes you (or your team member) to lose their trust in someone or some process.
What then should you do?
Let’s start with what you shouldn’t do!
- Don’t act too quickly. Let the loss “land” first. Immediate debriefing, for example, often increases the risk of traumatisation. The only thing the other needs to know is that you are there for them.
- Don’t insist “you’ve got to talk about it”. Everyone has their own way of dealing with loss and not everyone wants to or needs to talk about it. Let the other know that if they have the need to talk about it, you are there for them.
What should you do:
- Take time to grieve. When you have lost something, it is natural to feel certain emotions. That may be sorrow, but any cocktail of emotions may be present. Something that was important to you is no longer there, so accepting that loss and the emotions it evokes in you is a good thing.
- Take time to recover. If you only spend time grieving, chances are you will fall ever deeper in the pit. So also spend time on doing things that give you energy. If that is work, then do that. Perhaps start with a little less than you were used to, so that you have time to grieve as well.
- Focus on the process rather than the result. If you have lost something important to you, there is no time limit. There simply will be occasions which trigger a memory and may trigger the feeling of loss again. And that’s okay. If you simply were to forget about it, it actually means it wasn’t that important to you in the first place! So as long as you keep switching between the process of grieving and recovering, that’s all that is necessary.
If it is about your team member’s loss, it’s good to keep an eye on them. This doesn’t mean badgering them to talk, just practicing what is called “watchful waiting”. Again: let them know you are there and that if they have the need to talk your door is open. And perhaps share the three points above if you feel they are focussing too much on only grieving or only doing the recovery tasks.
Photo by Pavel Anoshin on Unsplash